Stones

“I turn my pockets and heart inside out, set the stones—quartz, obsidian, shale, agate, scoria, granite—along the scourged top of the wall I once lived behind, the wall I still use for refuge. They shine in the sun, some translucent to the light, others dense, solid, opaque. I lean my body into the big unbreakable expanse, tracing which stones need to melt, which will crack wide, geode to crystal, and which are content just as they are” (Clare, 134-135).

I think this is my favorite part of any of Clare’s work that we’ve read. It sums up her writing in a beautiful way. I love the imagery of placing her stones on her wall that she built to protect herself as she was growing up. Building a wall around one’s personal self is a thing we all do. There are certain things that we don’t want people to know, fearing that if they knew, they would like us less, if they are “friends,” or mock us for, if they are “enemies”.

Placing stones on a wall or other kind of monument is an act of remembrance. Clare is placing her stones on her wall of protection, remembering each one of these experiences that shaped her life, that made her want to hide behind that wall. There are several different kinds of stones in her heart and pockets, just like she has different kinds of experiences and memories. Each one of these experiences was important in shaping who she is today. She has overcome so much, just by growing up, learning, meeting new people, and perhaps through the act of writing about them, showing the world who she is, and how these experiences shaped her.

The act of deciding which stones need to “melt” is important in life. I don’t think that the experiences represented by these stones ever really go away, but Clare is acknowledging the effect that these stones have had on her life, but she knows that she doesn’t need or want to carry them around with her anymore. She knows how they have shaped her life, but she doesn’t need to constantly remember them or the effect they has on her anymore. She is letting them go.

The stones that will “crack wide, geode to crystal” are the experiences that had such a profound effect on her and her life that she will never be able to not carry them around with her. They started off as just ugly stones, experiences that were not pleasant in the time they occurred or the time soon after. But as time went on, Clare realized that these experiences had the most beautifully profound effect on her and her life. They cracked open, and revealed beautifully colored crystals just below the ugly stone surface. She had to carry them around for a while before she learned of the true beauty of their lesson.

And of course there are those stones that are “content just as they are”. These stones are either good memories of life and its lessons, or the ones that haven’t yet explained why they are important. They deserve their time in our hearts and pockets just as much as the other kinds of stones. They have their purpose, or we will soon learn of what they mean.

We all have all of these kinds of stones. The important thing to remember is that every stone we pick up in life is somehow important in shaping us as adults. Whether we know their purpose now or in the future, each experience happened for a reason, and each experience deserves a spot on our wall of protection, to remember each one, and give it its due respect.

(Sarah Jaworowicz, Post 19)